Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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