at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish there were birth control emojis
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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