Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
