5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
