Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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