She said her name was "party"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize