Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
