Plan B is the new Plan A
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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