You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
