My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
