So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize