He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
