but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
