Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
