I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
