and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
