I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ttyl tear gas
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
