she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize