his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
