i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
