dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize