He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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