hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
