this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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