I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
