Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
