Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
