I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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