Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
