new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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