ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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