I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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