I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
