it wasn't lemon gatorade
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
