You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this hospital has no fireball
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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