If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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