thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
