I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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