Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
