there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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