Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize