margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He has the fingertips of a God
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