Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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