I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A+ Viking dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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