Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
