I'd wear matching sweaters with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
