I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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