ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize