so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
