to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
