dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
