I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
