So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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