one two three fourrrrnication!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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