Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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