just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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