i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
