Where did you get a picture of my penis
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize