Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
