Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
