please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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