How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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