whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
