you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
