That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
