i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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