So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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