Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
