Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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