That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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