i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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