Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
