Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
