I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
