Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
