No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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