Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
