Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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