Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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