He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
