Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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