I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the day after is always just damage control
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
