I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
