My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
