Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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