im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
