listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
