where am i from again
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
