It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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