And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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