If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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