the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
