I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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