I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
