Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
