I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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