My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
