Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
