i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize