Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
