so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
