just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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