I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
