Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
