Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
