we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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