i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize