I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dignity is for republicans.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
